Or Something
by Ichihime Kurosaki
Summary: In which Ichigo is asked: "So... um... well, are you like gay or something?" FML. Three-shot. Crack. Fluff. AU. OOC (kind of). READ AND REVIEW PLEASE! :) (Keep a look out for notices/posts on the schedule of updates for this story on my profile page.)
1. The Question of all Questions

**Or Something…**

**Chapter 1:**

**The Question of all Questions**

**Author's Note:** Here's an (FML) three-shot crack fic. from yours truly. I'll be updating **_ALL_** of my stories in two weeks. So, for those of you who haven't been to my profile page lately, I updated it and added an updates schedule which I will be starting the 2nd of September. This week and next week will be used to start the chapters for those stories and fix all of my mistakes in them. I'll start writing the chapters for **_A Cause To Die For_**, **_Remembrance_**, and **_Losing Love_** this week and weekend. I'll add to them slowly within the next two weeks and then on their given day, I will update.

Also, these next couple of weeks will be used for reconstruction and grammatical corrections, so if you get e-mails – I apologize because I'm not trying to spam you. In addition, I'll be adding to **_Only Eyes For Her_** starting 2014 – new chapters and what not…

Fluff and crack alert!

Anyway, I hope that satisfies and I hope this does to. And please – review! :)

Rated **M **for cursing (and a possible innuendo of smut - just to be safe). OOC and AU.

**Disclaimer:** Bleach and its entirety belong to Tite Kubo.

_Read, enjoy, and review!_

* * *

**Prompt:** "I don't know if she was just let out of the asylum or nut house, but she was cray cray. She was like bat shit serious with it too and I was like, _'Really? Is this a joke?'_. But no, she was dead. I, honestly, thought that there were hidden cameras somewhere and it was all a prank but, unfortunately, no. It was just a random chick who happened to think I was gay… FML.

**Summary:** Ichigo couldn't believe his ears. The nerve the woman must have had – the **_damn_** audacity. Was she serious? Did she even know that she had just talked to the most famous man in Japan ? Yes, she was serious, and yes, she did know – which made the situation even worse. He could have let it go as a joke, but more than his sexuality preference was wounded… His male ego, pride, and reputation were **_ruined_**. "So… are you gay or something?" FML.

* * *

**_~X~_**

* * *

It had been a pretty exhausting day. The director on set had been a bit bitchier than usual, the make-up and wardrobe crew had argued with him – again – for not letting them dye his hair black, and his agent had booked him, unknowingly, for an audition in Osaka. Kisuke Urahara. Tch, that bastard. But… of course, Ichigo nailed it.

It wasn't easy being the best male actor in Tokyo – correction, in all of **_Japan_**. He was one of the most sought out bachelors in the continent and the most wealthy and influential celebrity of the decade… Or so said a poll on a fan webpage…

It was true that Ichigo could make most girls do what he wanted with just a wink and smirk, even faint, – Kami, he was just **_that_** good looking – but he didn't exploit his gifts and talents. In fact, he was pretty laid back and private. A good number of his friends – himself included – were among the most influential and successful, but it was based on hard work and dedication with a sprinkle of talent to top it off. He was still young, at the age of 26, and had a great body – due to how often he was seen in the gym and how many movies he did his own stunts in. He was crazy sexy and didn't have any plans on settling down with just no one any time soon. If he was going to have a life with them, then it'd be someone. Nor did he plan on slowing his roll… He had just finished his second movie of the year – the twenty-first of his career – and was now shooting the climax scenes of the third in Tokyo. He was even offered a role in another short film, the one he auditioned for devoid of consent, with an independent company for the annual Winter film festival that was being held in Karakura – his birthplace - later that year. After his relaxation time, it was right back to work with the vigor and passion he always had…

Life was good. Life was **_great_** and now, he was enjoying the beauty that Osaka had to offer in a café in the heart of the city. He had decided to take the rest of the week off after Urahara's stunt with the audition, claiming that he was tired… but that was only part of the reason. The real reason he wanted to stay in Osaka was because he had a few friends and a certain someone he wanted to visit before he left again.

Just as his thought began to stray towards said **_someone_**, his phone vibrated.

Picking his phone up off the table, he didn't even bother looking at the caller id before unlocking the phone and accepting the call.

"Kurosaki Ichigo," he answered, closing his eyes and rubbing his temple with his free hand. _'Don't I get a break?'_

He knew that acting, with the occasional modeling gig, was hard work, but damn – he was still human. He deserved a break now and then. He was actually surprised, more so than happy, when Kisuke told him that he indeed deserved some time off. He'd been acting since he was 12, only scoring big time movies when he hit 15. That's almost non-stop for 13 years and he be damned if he died of a heart attack because of the stress related in this career. This was his vacation and he was **_not_** going back to Tokyo until he was good and ready…

Breaking through Ichigo's thought was a soft, angelic voice calling out his name, _"Ichi?"_

Slightly shaking his head to fully break out of his reverie, he smiled softly and replied just as softly in a voice like chocolate, liquid silk. "Hey Beautiful, where are you?"

A giggle was heard on the line. _"Just about five minutes away. I'm at a traffic light."_

"Oh. I see… Still no secret boyfriends I should know about, right?" he teased as he rested his chin on his palm and looked out at the city lights.

_"No, Ichigo, there's only one man for me."_

"One man? Who's that?" Ichigo asked.

_"Just someone I met on the beach… Tall, handsome. He's a real charmer,"_ she said admiringly.

"Oh, well, damn. Now I'll never get my chance. I can't compete with a handsome charmer," he said, acting dejected.

Orihime giggled and sighed_. "Sexy and dashingly alluring with an aura of a playboy that doesn't match his personality, but's strictly for image purposes. He's stubborn, loves chocolate and Shakespeare. He's extremely talented and has a good heart, but that's only an inch of the mile… How's that instead?"_

Ichigo gave a heartfelt chuckle, "Accurate enough. You just forgot a detail though…"

_"What's that?"_ she quipped. He could practically see her cock her head in confusion.

"That I'm in love," he whispered into the phone. "with an amazingly kind, gentle, and beautiful woman who takes me and all my flaws. A woman who has stayed by my side and remained faithful even though I'm gone a great majority of the time. A woman with a brilliant smile that, by some miracle, loves me too."

Silence was heard on the other line along with the occasional sniffle and muffled sob.

"I love you, Hime."

_"I l-love you t-too, Ichi-kun. A lot. Five lifetime's worth,"_ she responded through her tears, happy tears. Her fiancé always made her cry and smile and laugh just for being him. He was so passionate at times, it amazed her.

_"Well, the light is going to change -" _

"You're using Bluetooth, right? Then don't hang up," Ichigo said, cutting her off swiftly. "Sing for me."

Orihime blushed and stammered a bit before giving in to his request.

Ichigo closed his eyes as her melodious voice resonated in his ears, her heavenly voice singing a melody unknown to him, but not unwelcome.

_'Must be the song she wrote and was telling me about,'_ he thought.

Orihime was a very talented singer and songwriter, but never got the chance to pursue a career because her father fell ill – diagnosed with lung cancer, a result of smoking. She and her brother had been forced to get jobs young and really focus in their studies to get scholarships so they could pay for his medical needs instead of school. She had always wanted to be a singer. It had been her dream since she was seven, she had told him... But her father soon died, losing the battle to the sickness, and her mother had disappeared from their lives long before that. After that, she took up studying medicine to become a nurse or doctor – the pain of losing a loved one too much to bear… Singing, songwriting, and playing the piano just became a hobby then, something to entertain herself and others.

After finding out about her hidden talent and story, Ichigo had tried to get her to agree to let him help, but she refused. She claimed that it was much too late and that she really wasn't all that good. And after countless "arguments" and discussions, he relented and let her be – for the time being as he would try again before their wedding. He'd get her to his buddy, Chad's recording studio soon enough…

Orihime ended her song and told him that she'd pulled up and was now handing the car over to valet.

"Okay, well see -"

"Hey, Berry Boy!"

Ichigo looked up – bewildered at the fact that a person would address **_him_** like **_that_**. Did she not know who the hell she was talking to?! He had the mind to curse her out, but didn't want a scandal and scene on his or Kisuke's hands.

_"Ichigo?"_ he heard from his phone.

"Hold on," he said to Orihime before turning to inspect the woman in front of him further. "Yes?" he snapped.

"You're Kurosaki Ichigo, right? The actor that plays Shirosaki Hichigo in Bleach?" she asked, sitting herself down at his table.

Ichigo narrowed his eyes at the woman and hardly contained his eye roll. _'Tch, just another damn fan.' _

"Yes, can I help you? Do you want an autograph or something?" he questioned with an expectant expression that also read, "I have no time for you".

"Oh! No, no autograph. Well… I have a question, just don't be offended because I find you totally hot and a great actor, but…" she trailed off.

"But…" Ichigo repeated, getting impatient.

"Well, are you gay or something?"

F.M.L.

* * *

**_~X~_**

* * *

**Okay, so you'll have to wait until tomorrow for Ichigo's reaction. I'll make this into just a corny, funny three-shot. I don't know why I decided to make this into a multiple chapter thing, but I'd love some feedback on what you liked and what you didn't. I just needed a break from serious, depressing, and like painful things in life now so... That's really the only reason I wrote this.**

**Yeah, they were OOC – I guess, but you already knew that and since I'm not Tite Kubo, I don't really care because I put it in my author's not up top. **

**The next chapter will be longer and probably up by tomorrow, if not, then Friday. I'll add the outfit descriptions and put it on Polyvore when I log on next time. I have the outfit set in mind, but I just don't want to make it yet. **

**Also, I have nothing against people and their choice of sexuality. I support gay relationships and I have friends who are male/male and female/female. I don't like to read it here on FanFiction because it is usually lemon and makes me queasy, but I'm a full supporter. It's a way of life and ****_nobody_**** can change that, so don't fight it. You can't control other people's life. Just my opinion. This story is strictly for humorous purposes, not to make anyone feel bad. Ichigo's sexuality is questioned a lot and I see that – I also read some fics. about it – so why not post a fic. on it?**

**Please make sure to check my updates schedule on my profile page so you're in the loop on what's going on with me. I'll be starting in a couple of weeks with that. **

**Mistakes will be corrected when I add the second chapter!**

**Questions? Comments? Concerns?**

**I.K. :)**


	2. Are You Gay, Ichigo? part I

**Or Something…**

**Chapter 2:**

**_Are_**** you gay, Ichigo? ... Part I**

**Author's Note:** Here's an (FML) three-shot crack fic. from yours truly. I'll be updating **_ALL_** of my stories in two weeks. So, for those of you who haven't been to my profile page lately, I updated it and added an updates schedule which I will be starting the 2nd of September. This week and next week will be used to start the chapters for those stories and fix all of my mistakes in them. I'll start writing the chapters for **_A Cause To Die For_**, **_Remembrance_**, and **_Losing Love_** this week and weekend. I'll add to them slowly within the next two weeks and then on their given day, I will update.

Also, these next couple of weeks will be used for reconstruction and grammatical corrections, so if you get e-mails – I apologize because I'm not trying to spam you. In addition, I'll be adding to **_Only Eyes For Her_** starting 2014 – new chapters and what not…

Fluff and crack alert!

Anyway, I hope that satisfies and I hope this does to. And please – review! :)

Rated **M **for cursing (and a possible innuendo of smut - just to be safe). OOC and AU.

_*** A great song that would just add to the humor of this story, would be __**Doomsday**__ by __**Nero**__ from his __**Welcome Reality**__ album – which was awesome, by the way. I listened to the album while writing this chapter and the next one and I died with laughter when the song played. I hit the repeat button on my iPod and finished this story off. You can be the judge, so listen to it – YouTube or something – and hit the repeat button, because it was great and Ichihime Kurosaki-san said so… XD _

**Disclaimer:** Bleach and its entirety belong to Tite Kubo.

_Read, enjoy, and review!_

* * *

**Prompt:** "I don't know if she was just let out of the asylum or nut house, but she was cray cray. She was like bat shit serious with it too and I was like, _'Really? Is this a joke?'_, but no, she was dead ass – like straight face and all. I, honestly, thought that there were hidden cameras somewhere and it was all a prank but, unfortunately, no. It was just a random chick who happened to think I was gay… FML.

**Summary:** Ichigo couldn't believe his ears. The nerve the woman must have had – the **_damn_** audacity. Was she serious? Did she even know that she had just talked to the most famous man in Japan? Yes, she was serious, and yes, she did know – which made the situation even worse. He could have let it go as a joke, but more than his sexuality preference was wounded… His male ego, pride, and reputation were **_ruined_**. "So… are you gay or something?" FML.

* * *

**_~X~_**

* * *

_Previously on __**Or Something**__…_

_"Hey, Berry Boy!"_

_Ichigo looked up – bewildered at the fact that a person would address __**him**__ like __**that**__. Did she not know who the hell she was talking to?! He had the mind to curse her out, but didn't want a scandal and scene on his or Kisuke's hands._

**_"Ichigo?"_**_ he heard from his phone._

_"Hold on," he said to Orihime before turning to inspect the woman in front of him further. "Yes?" he snapped._

_"You're Kurosaki Ichigo, right? The actor that plays Shirosaki Hichigo in Bleach?" she asked, sitting herself down at his table._

_Ichigo narrowed his eyes at the woman and hardly contained his eye roll. __**'Tch, just another damn fan.' **__And who the hell told her she could sit at his damn table? _

_"Yes, can I help you? Do you want an autograph or something?" he questioned with an expectant expression that also read, "I have no time for you"._

_"Oh! No, no autograph. Well… I have a question, just don't be offended because I find you totally hot and a great actor, but…" she trailed off._

_"But…" Ichigo huffed, getting impatient._

_"Well, are you gay or something?"_

_F.M.L._

* * *

**_~X~_**

* * *

Ichigo felt as if the world had slowed down…

All he could think about was the question… and then get pissed about it.

The woman – correction, the bold (and totally-willing-to-die) _bitch_ - sitting in front of him continually waved her hands in front of his face and looked around, bewildered and frightened at the thought that someone would think that she did something to the actor.

He was vaguely aware of the fact that she was now openly **_touching_** him – shaking his shoulders and even poking his cheeks. Restraining order? Check dammit. Lawsuit for harassment? Was it really harassment, no, but Kisuke could deal with that. Possibly… (Maybe he could get the judge to swoon and sway the "case" in his favor?) Would she get a piece of his damn mind? Check. Double check – hell yeah, she'd hear; everyone would hear!

Every tabloid, radio station, news channel, magazine, social network – heck even the **_sports_** channels – would hear and talk about the way he was about to blow up. The damn koi fish in the ponds outside would be talking about the scene he was about to create. What was that about not wanting to make a scene? Oh… Something about Kisuke and him and – **_bullshit_**. B. U. L. L. S. H. I. T. Bullshit.

Had it been a different question, it would have been all good, but gay? Gay?! Oh, boy did she pick the wrong celebrity to fuck with tonight! She had just ruined his day ten times over and it wasn't even good to begin with.

His blood had started to simmer when she sat down, but when the word _'gay'_ slipped off her tongue and past her teeth… his blood began to boil. It wasn't even the usual, scalding heat of boiling water. It was like a damn volcano. Not even… It was like a freaking time bomb!

Was it getting hot in there? No, oh no, it was just temperamental Ichigo's fury rising and the lid getting ready to blow… And once the lid was off – well, let's just say it wasn't pretty.

Orihime, however, had been walking from her car - having left something in it - to the restaurant entrance, yet heard the whole thing and had stopped in her tracks when the – _unfortunate_ – young woman had asked Ichigo if he was indeed homosexual. There had been plenty of tabloids and fan gossip about him being "gay", to put it bluntly. There had been plenty of rumors that he was and that his "**_lover_**" was Renji Abarai, a famous drummer from the Japanese rock band, '_The Shinigami'_. But the truth was that Renji and Ichigo were very close friends. Renji had recently gotten married to the graceful, lead singer of the band, Rukia Kuchiki – now Abarai -, and it only caused more trouble for Ichigo. In actuality, Ichigo had never gotten serious with anyone other than herself and another when he was about 17. They'd lasted about two years and had dated on the down low, but when Ichigo found about her giving her virginity to another, he dumped her. That's when he really got serious about his work, realizing that Senna had only been a hindrance and a spotlight hog, but his resolve had only lasted about two years. When he was 21 he met the beauty he was now with, Orihime Inoue, and they had were **_very_** private – Ichigo learning from his relationship with Senna and Orihime being a reserved person to start with…

It frightened Orihime when she didn't hear Ichigo respond, a little more so when the woman that had approached him called his name repeatedly.

People were pushing Orihime and giving her dirty looks for stopping in the middle of the busy sidewalk, but she could care less. Ichigo was her main concern now. She had dealt with a few situations like this before – containing his rage that was, or **_curbing_** his anger and putting it to use towards something productive instead when the occasion had arisen. Once the genie was out of the bottle, it was a damn pain in the ass to put him back.

"Ichigo?" she called out a few times. "Ichi, just let it go. It was just a question, love; she meant no harm by it. I know that the press has ganged up on you about it lately with Renji-kun's wedding and all, but you've handled it well. Don't let one person ruin it…"

Silence

_"Kurosaki-san?" _she heard the woman probe.

"Ichigo?" Orihime quietly asked again.

Orihime almost sighed in relief when Ichigo cleared his throat, only for her relief to be diffused with a crash; then she was running. Great. Just peachy; now, people were looking at her like she was crazy!

_'Please don't kill her. Please don't kill her.'_

* * *

**_~X~_**

* * *

One, **_how_** the hell did she get into this restaurant? Two, **_who_** the hell let her into the restaurant? Three, **_why_** the hell was she sitting at his table? And four, who, in the name of Kami, did she think she was?

She was dressed in sweat-drenched workout clothes and her hair was matted to her face. She looked like she was on a jog and decided to sneak to see what celebrities were in town. It was a private café, private, and was not open to the common citizen. That's why it was in the rich part of the city.

He couldn't make out what Orihime was saying. She was telling him something, but he was stuck in his own little world, tearing down many buildings.

"Kurosaki-san?" the woman called out, yet again.

Orihime had also been asking for a response from him but it was like a total shut down. _Fucking melt down. _He was going through a reboot – completely. He didn't even get choked up during interviews, so what the hell was his problem?

_"Ichigo?"_ Orihime spoke again.

That's when Ichigo finally decided to come out of his trance, to confront the woman and demand to know why she thought she could waltz into a renowned establishment and completely do the opposite of her "intentions"… She had said not to take the question offensively, but who wouldn't? He really just wanted to ask if it took practice to be as stupid as she was because, even though Orihime thought it was completely unnecessary, he wore an engagement ring. Even he thought it was unnecessary at one time, but it made him feel just a bit better when he left Orihime after visits and whatnot. He would remain faithful and even if doing something most men would not, like wearing a ring to show he was in fact taken, was a small gesture, he would gladly do it. For Orihime, he would. There were so many reasons he wore that ring – either on a chain or on his ring finger. It was the best of both worlds, promise ring **_and_** engagement ring, even though he preferred to refer to it as a promise ring.

Was the sweaty lady blind? He could forgive blindness, right? Maybe. Most people were actually; some would look at the silver band adorning his finger and think that he was already married, but… there were others, probably the woman in front of him, who would over look and think he liked the same-sex. They might have even noticed it and thought that he had eloped **_with_** the same-sex.

He was trying to find a way to diffuse his anger. He didn't want to ruin his life – and probably Orihime's – by strangling and killing the woman but… it was so hard. He had been hassled by the press about his personal life before, but what celebrity wasn't? This… This was crossing a line.

He was tired and agitated and just wanted to private time with his woman… Damn, was it **that** hard to receive? Did Kami dislike him **_that_** much?

_"Ichigo?"_ he heard Orihime once more.

Ichigo inhaled deeply and steeled himself to look at the woman in the eye and not through her, like he had been doing the past couple of minutes.

Clearing his throat, he sat up and looked straight into her eyes… only to find them mirth filled and her struggling to contain her laughter.

He was pretty sure his jaw hit the floor…

No, it was just his phone.

F.M.L.

* * *

_**~X~**_

* * *

**Review! I want to know what you thought! Was it good? Was it bad? What did you like and dislike? I treasure all of your opinions, so tell me. :)**

**I****'ll post the next chapter on Wednesday. (It'll be part II and this might become a four chapter story.) I just decided to post it tonight since I was doing nothing****. **

**Also, I have nothing against people and their choice of sexuality. I support gay relationships and I have friends who are male/male and female/female. I don't like to read it here on FanFiction because it is usually lemon and makes me queasy, but I'm a full supporter. It's a way of life and ****_nobody_**** can change that, so don't fight it. You can't control other people's life. Just my opinion. This story is strictly for humorous purposes, not to make anyone feel bad. Ichigo's sexuality is questioned a lot and I see that – I also read some fics. about it – so why not post a fic. on it?**

**Please make sure to check my updates schedule on my profile page so you're in the loop on what's going on with me. I'll be starting in a couple of weeks with that. **

**Mistakes will be corrected when I add the third chapter!**

**Questions? Comments? Concerns?**

**I.K. :)**


	3. Are You Gay, Ichigo? part II

**Or Something…**

**Chapter 3:**

**_Are_**** you gay, Ichigo? ... Part II**

**Author's Note:** I'll be updating **_ALL_** of my stories in two weeks. So, for those of you who haven't been to my profile page lately, I updated it and added an updates schedule which I will be starting the 2nd of September. This week and next week will be used to start the chapters for those stories and fix all of my mistakes in them. I'll start writing the chapters for **_A Cause To Die For_**, **_Remembrance_**, and **_Losing Love_** this week and weekend. I'll add to them slowly within the next two weeks and then on their given day, I will update.

Also, these next couple of weeks will be used for reconstruction and grammatical corrections, so if you get e-mails – I apologize because I'm not trying to spam you. In addition, I'll be adding to **_Only Eyes For Her_** starting 2014 – new chapters and what not…

Fluff and crack alert!

Anyway, I hope that satisfies and I hope this does to. And please – review! :)

Rated **M **for cursing (and a possible innuendo of smut - just to be safe). OOC and AU.

_*** A great song that would just add to the humor of this story would be **Doomsday** by **Nero** from his **Welcome Reality** album – which was awesome, by the way. I listened to the album while writing this chapter and the next one and I died with laughter when the song played. I hit the repeat button on my iPod and finished this story off. You can be the judge, so listen to it – YouTube or something – and hit the repeat button, because it was great and Ichihime Kurosaki-san said so… XD _

**Disclaimer:** Bleach and its entirety belong to Tite Kubo.

_Read, enjoy, and review!_

* * *

**Prompt:** "I don't know if she was just let out of the asylum or nut house, but she was cray cray. She was like bat shit serious with it too and I was like, _'Really? Is this a joke?'_, but no, she was dead ass – like straight face and all. I, honestly, thought that there were hidden cameras somewhere and it was all a prank but, unfortunately, no. It was just a random chick who happened to think I was gay… FML.

**Summary:** Ichigo couldn't believe his ears. The nerve the woman must have had – the **_damn_** audacity. Was she serious? Did she even know that she had just talked to the most famous man in Japan? Yes, she was serious, and yes, she did know – which made the situation even worse. He could have let it go as a joke, but more than his sexuality preference was wounded… His male ego, pride, and reputation were **_ruined_**. "So… are you gay or something?" FML.

* * *

**_~X~_**

* * *

_Previously on **Or Something**…_

_Ichigo inhaled deeply and steeled himself to look at the woman in the eye and not through her, like he had done the past couple of minutes._

_Clearing his throat, he sat up and looked straight into her eyes… only to find them mirth filled and her struggling to contain her laughter._

_He was pretty sure his jaw hit the floor…_

_No, it was just his phone._

_F.M.L._

* * *

"What the **_HELL_** is your problem?!" bellowed Ichigo, standing up and knocking over his chair. "You honestly though that you could just waltz in here and question every damn celebrity you please. Well, you've got it twisted and I'll be gay the day Hell freezes over – **_twice_**!"

The woman stood from her seat and bowed, albeit blushing furiously, in "respect" and out of embarrassment. She stammered an apology and backed away from the table.

"And then you have the nerve to try to stifle your laughter about it, like it was a damn joke! Oi – **_stop laughing_**!" he sneered, barely containing the yells that wanted to tear from his throat.

Aww, fuck it. He was already creating a scene anyways, so what difference did it make?

"It's a legit question though..."

"... You son of a bitch! Does it take practice to be a dumb ass? Or does it just come naturally?" Ichigo asked incrediously.

"I – I **_was_** serious, Kurosaki-san," the woman replied, as if she was completely unfazed by his towering figure looming over her. "I just couldn't help but find your reaction and expression hilaaaaarious! But, listen, it's alright – I know **_plenty _**of gays and I think of myself as a love guru of sorts… so, I just **_had_** to come see if you were doing okay after such a devastating heartbreak. I know a few guys that would be perfect for you, by the way, and I know that it must have been a blow to the image ordeal, but we're human. We can't really control our emotions and if we're straight or curvy, you know?"

Yup, it was official now – she was dead. Someone post it: Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, and a couple of memes on Instagram, **_something_**… Because **_this_** bitch wouldn't be walking the earth after today.

She must have seen the fire in his smoldering, amber eyes because she backed up a few steps after her spiel…

Ichigo was fuming; and if you looked closed enough, you could see the smoke coming out of his ears and steaming form his nose. Oh **_shit_**.

Ichigo took a single step around of the table and the woman took a few back.

"You're going to regret ever coming in here to harass people," he whispered menacingly.

"Oooh, feisty, sexy, and temperament problems. That's a turn on - you know, we could make _us _work out. As a couple," she gushed and walked a few steps towards him. "You know you like the jugs."

And with that she shook her overly large bosom at Ichigo...

And while Ichigo was trying to not rip off the lady's head, albeit thinking of many ways to torture her, Orihime had been dealing with a hostess who didn't believe that she was the company "_Kurosaki-sama_" had been waiting for.

"Aivirrne-san, please... Yes, I am the one Kurosaki-san is expecting."

"Hmph, well I don't believe a slut-looking woman like you!" the hostess spat out, with her nose in the air, her arms folded over her chest. "Are your boobs even real?"

Orihime resisted - yet another - eye roll and inaudibly sighed, "Is that really relevant now? You're holding up the line."

"Well, well, well... it seems as though they _are_ fake. You didn't deny or confirm it, so F. A. K. E." the hostess repiled.

"Lady come on! There are others waiting here; I'm thirty minutes late. My wife is going to kill me! Isn't this supposed to be a prestigious and renowned damn restaurant? Horrible service," yelled a man a few people behind Orihime.

"Yeah, what's with the hold up?" a woman voiced her opinion.

"One more time: reservation under Kurosaki - table for 2. Please," Orihime presented the information with her patience wearing more and more thin by the second.

"Hmm, well let me think about that... NO! Not until the **_princess_ **here proves that she **_really_ **has to be here and that her **_melons_ **are r - e - a - l. Real," the dark-haired woman sneered at Orihime.

Everyone sighed in exasperation and cursed under their breaths.

"So... What's it going to be? Show 'em off or get the hell out..."

* * *

In a park not too far from the restaurant, right across the street in the heart of the city, a white-haired prodigy had given up on waiting outside of the public restroom for his "mother". She had stopped their jog in the park to use the bathroom, claiming that it was **_urgent_**. That in itself was a lie and set off alarms in the boy; he knew his guardian would never, ever, ever use a public bathroom. She'd rather go behind a damn bush, but like a good son, he waited for her...

That had been thirty damn minutes ago and he was still waiting. It was getting darker by the second and he really didn't want an encounter with any thugs or men ogling his mother. Yes, she was beautiful, but he really didn't appreciate men looking at her the way they did. And if his "father" had been with them still, he wouldn't have tolerated it either.

Toshiro sighed, yet again. This was getting old. He knew what she was doing dammit, and she just wouldn't listen. He had an idea of what she was doing and **_why_ **she had wanted to come into the richer district to help him train for his track meet, but kept the theory to himself... he really didn't want to deal with a hormonal, crazy woman so close to the last meet of the season.

Breaking Toshiro from his thoughts and further angering him, were some girls - obviously two spoiled brats - walking across the cross walk, with their bodyguard. They were engrossed in their conversation and it carried all the way over to him. Damn they were loud!

"Did you see her though? What trash - no decency or self-respect. Ugh, she must have snuck in or did one of the security guards in the back so she could get in," the girl closest to him, with mint-green hair and hazel eyes gossiped to the girl with wavy brown hair and green eyes.

"I know! And did you see how pissed off Ichigo-kun was? The nerve of that woman; I bet she was just trying to harass him or seduce him into her bed," replied the brunette.

Kami, how stupid can people get? Who in their right mind...

Oh no...

No. No. Please, no.

Ichigo-kun... Seduction... No self-respect...

It all clicked in Toshiro's mind as he took off running again - this time to try and lessen the consequences of his guardian's actions.

_'Damn her! Is she trying to get us a lawsuit? We have no money and my college funds are not for her to touch; that damn woman and her obsession with Kurosaki has gone too far. Fuck! Matsumoto, I'll kill you myself if he doesn't ' _a pissed off, white-haired teenager thought as he ran across the street and began looking for his guardian.

* * *

**_~ F.M.L. ~_**

* * *

**It looks like Orihime has a bit of a problem now too, ne? And now we know who the mystery lady is - if you don't, you will soon enough - and I want to know what you though after reading that last line.**

**Sorry for the short chapter, but I have essays due tomorrow and just wanted to keep my promise of an update on Wednesday - so if a man's word is all he's got, I've got to keep it right? Well... a woman's word... I'll make sure the next chapter is three times as long and full of wit and humor. ****Also, sorry for the lack of humor, but I'd love some feedback though. ****(I was a bit out of it today so... Not so funny :/)**Reivews inspire us authors to update faster. And I've come to the conclusion that this will be probably be somewhere around 5-7 chapters long. (Hope that makes you all happy.) :D

**Please make sure to check my updates schedule on my profile page so you're in the loop on what's going on with me. I'll be starting in a couple of weeks with that. **

**Questions? Comments? Concerns?**

**I.K. :)**


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